


The same thing twice

by Basic_instinct40



Category: The Expanse (TV), The Expanse Series - James S. A. Corey
Genre: F/M, The Expanse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 09:06:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18221078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basic_instinct40/pseuds/Basic_instinct40
Summary: talk between Holden and Naomi after she returns back to the Roci





	The same thing twice

Naomi climbed off Holden feeling relaxed and sleepy. She had been back on the ship now for more than a week, and while things between her and the rest of the crew still felt tense, sex with Holden was still the same. “Maybe better than the same,” she thought as she laid next to him. The familiar comfort of their bed and Holden’s arms around her soothe Naomi into sleep. She needed a good rest after the trouble aboard the Behemoth. 

Holden had other ideas in mind. 

“Not to ruin a good time,” he started.  
“But -- but you’re gonna,” Naomi responded without opening her eyes.

“Yes, I am,” Holden said, moving his arms from around her. 

“So, this was serious,” Naomi thought turning around to face him. Holden didn't look like a man who had recently enjoyed an orgasm. His forehead had the worry crease in it, and he was wasn't looking at her. 

“Jim, what is it?”, Naomi asked, starting to feel alarmed. 

He looked at her now, giving her that slow lazy smile that made her feel special. She wish it didn't, and that she could be immune to Jim Holden and that stupid smile, but ever since she had first seen him back on the Cant her brain seemed to shut off whenever he flashed that damned thing at her. 

“You don't know how happy I am to have you back,” Holden began. “I want to be able to pick up where we left off. To act as if nothing has changed, but I think you understand that isn't the case.”

Naomi was completely awake now. She sits up and covered her breast with the sheet to provide what modesty the moment could afford them now, feeling vulnerable all of a sudden. “What the fuck was this?”, she wondered. “One last go before he broke up with me?” 

“No, I guess that isn’t the case,” she answered him, pulling her hair over her eyes. 

“I need to know before we start acting like nothing happened, Naomi -- I need to know that you are really here because you feel like you belong here. Not just because we were in danger.” Holden reached out to her but decided to pull back at the last second. He didn’t want to rush her, but he remembered how it was when she left. He had walked around the ship feeling like part of him was missing. Those months he had lived as half a man, but he meant what he said. He wanted her to be back for herself, not just for him. 

Naomi stayed silent wanting to choose her words wisely, understanding that this was a significant moment. He had the right to ask this of her. She was the one that left, the one with secrets. 

She raised her head to look into his dark brown eyes and reached her hand up to slowly trace his jawline. “I’m staying, Jim,” she told him. “This is where I belong.”

Holden reached his hand up to grab her slender brown hand in his. Her fingers were warm, and he enjoyed the contrast of their skin against each other. 

“With me?”, he asked in a small voice. 

“With you,” Naomi assuredly answered back. She pulled his hand to her mouth and kissed it gently. She felt happy to make him happy. Their relationship was different than anything else she had ever had before. There was give and take equally, and when she needed space he always made it easy. She didn't want to think of Marco while she was in bed with Holden, but he had done a number on her; made her feel less than worthy of love and happiness, but there was none of that psychological violence with Jim. He was upfront about what kind of man he was, and all he asked of Naomi was to be upfront in return.

Holden pulled her in for a kiss that started to deepen into more, and Naomi wondered if they would go for round two before Holden pulled away, leaving her slightly breathless. 

“Can I ask one more thing?”, he asked.

Naomi chuckled and gave him the belter nod as a go-ahead. 

“And know before I ask this I completely respect your decisions, and know that we were broken up, so don’t think I’m just prying even though Alex said maybe this wasn't such a good idea to ask --”

“Spit it out, Holden,” Naomi said, wishing to end his manic tirade. 

“Were you and Drummer...”, he started, hoping the rest of his question would be asked and answered. 

“Were Dummer and I what?”, she asked, raising her highbrows.

“An item?”, Holden finished for her.

Naomi pondered the question as she flickered through emotions. First, she was angry that he would ask, and then embarrassed that he had discussed the topic with Alex, and furthermore, most likely with Amos as well. Then sad, knowing that it took a lot for Jim to ask her. She knew what had gone on with Holden while they were apart because he had, of course, told her. Naomi had not said much simply because there wasn't much to say. 

“Why do you ask that?”, she decided on saying.

“When we were on the ship Drummer kind-of gave me the vibe of a jilted lover,” he explained. “She and I had always gotten on just fine before, but when I was on the Behemoth, she was almost hostile.”

Naomi started to protest, but Holden raised a hand up to stop her. 

“I saw the way she looked at you, Naomi,” he told her. “I knew the looks she gave you while you weren't looking because I know it's the same way I look at you.”

He gave her a smile and hugged her once more, nuzzling his face against her curly hair.

“She’s in love with you, Naomi,” he said simply. “I just wanted to know if you loved her too.”

Naomi thought of Camina Drummer. The epitome of a strong belter. She couldn't lie to herself and say that she also hadn’t noticed the looks that Camina had given her -- or that she hadn’t returned a couple of looks right back. They had spent most of their work and free time together. Camina had reminded her of home and her childhood. The good parts at least. Drinking and dancing all night together after a long shift had been the highlights while bunking on the Behemoth. Camina was a gorgeous woman who Naomi had believed in enough to throw all her support and skill behind. To follow her out to the slow zone. If she hadn’t been nursing a broken heart for Holden there would have been something to talk about. She couldn't deny that. Yet after those long nights of flirting and dancing she would go back to her bunk alone and dream of Holden’s sweet, lazy smile. She had left Holden, but he was still there wherever she went.  
“I care for and respect Camina deeply,” she told him, finally ready to answer. “I do love her, but not like what you're implying. There was only ever friendship between us.”

“Okay,” Holden obliged. Naomi pulled him into her slender arms against her naked chest. Above all other things, this was what she loved about Holden: his trust. Maybe someone else could love her harder or better, but no one would ever trust her the way Jim did. 

Naomi drifted off to sleep with Holden in her arms, finally at peace.


End file.
